Tuesday, 16 June 2009

And now, on Tehran TV, the latest news from London


There's been blanket coverage here of the unrest which has followed Iran’s disputed election. But imagine how our own political crisis looks from the Middle East. Do we really have any right to sit in judgment on other countries? Here’s how Tehran Television is reporting recent events in Britain...

Allahu Akbar! Welcome to a special edition of Eye On The Infidel, live from London, capital of the hated New Labour tyranny.

The Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Brown, is clinging to power despite receiving only 15
per cent of the vote in last week’s elections.

In some conservative tribal regions, the ruling junta’s share fell to just 8 per cent, with government candidates beaten into fourth place by fascists and separatists.

Even in lowland Scotland, formerly a Brownite stronghold, Labour was humiliated
by nationalist forces.

It represented a new nadir in the fortunes of Labour under the dictator Brown, an ultra-orthodox Presbyterian theocrat, who replaced the despised Bushite running dog Tony Blair in a coup two years ago.

But Brown is refusing to accept the result of the election and has declared himself the
winner. He told the official state broadcaster that he was getting on with the job, which is what people wanted him to do.

A clumsy attempt to remove the Supreme Leader by dissidents rallying under the banner of the breakaway Guardianista faction was ruthlessly crushed.

Brown then embarked on a shambolic reshuffle of his Cabinet, in an attempt to purge reformists from key posts. But at least two of the leading dissidents remain in office, a stark illustration of the Supreme Leader’s underlying political weakness.

Such is the parlous level of his support at home, he has been forced to draft in from Europe exiled party elders like the twice-disgraced mortgage fraudster Ayatollah Mandelson and expenses baroness Harridan Kinnock to shore up his crumbling regime.

Civil unrest has been mounting since the collapse of the infidel capitalist
banking system.

In London, a newspaper vendor was clubbed to death by masked police during violent clashes between security forces and anti-globalisation protesters.

Similar hardline tactics, involving riot shields and baton charges, have also been used to suppress peaceful protests by demonstrators opposed to Labour’s totalitarian efforts to eradicate traditional English countryside pursuits.

In the Islamic province of Luton, troops clashed with brave members of local jihadist groups campaigning peacefully for the introduction of Sharia law in Britain and an end to the religious wars of aggression against Muslims in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Hundreds of thousands of women have taken to wearing hijabs to express their support for Sharia. The burqa is now a common sight in British towns and cities.
Meanwhile, in London, millions of commuters took to the streets after the Underground system was brought to a standstill because of a strike by revolutionary transport workers loyal to the deposed spiritual leader, Ayatollah Redken.

At the heart of this crisis is the fact that under the Supreme Leader’s profligate stewardship, the country is effectively bankrupt. Britain’s vast oil and gas reserves
have been squandered and taxes are soaring.

As well as a run on the banks, there has been widespread looting of department stores, particularly the John Lewis chain, led by members of the ruling elite making off with sofas, plasma televisions and kitchen sinks.

Politicians from all parties have stolen millions of pounds submitting false expenses claims and using public money to build private property empires and watch pornographic films.

This corruption goes right to the heart of the political establishment, with even the Treasury Minister implicated in wholesale tax evasion. Scandalously, he remains in office, even though The Speaker, Ayatollah Gorbals, has been forced to resign.

Once the home of parliamentary democracy, Westminster is little more than a talking shop, poorly attended and utterly discredited. Most of Britain’s laws are now imposed by foreign bureaucrats and judges without any debate.

Freedom of speech has been brutally repressed. Police arrested an Opposition spokesman simply for doing his job.

There is also the question of the democratic legitimacy of the Brown junta. He seized power without an election and has repeatedly demonstrated his contempt for accountability and the will of the people.

Yet rather than acknowledge their anger, he persists in changing the subject and is now considering tinkering with the voting system in a cynical last-ditch attempt to remain in power.

The Supreme Leader has withdrawn into his bunker and is reduced to issuing deranged statements on YouTube.

It is frightening to think that this madman has access to nuclear weapons and has never accepted Middle England’s right to exist. He appears to be hell-bent on wiping
the United Kingdom off the map and submerging it into an imperialist European superstate.

And yet the British still have the nerve to lecture us on democracy. My fellow Iranians, we should give thanks that we are in the safe hands of our beloved President Ahmadinejad, peace be upon him. Allahu Akbar!

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